I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
