you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
