imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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