remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
