Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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