apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the room spins SO much faster in panama
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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