I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
