that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
