the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
