also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
