That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
