They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
