I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
