just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
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we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
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I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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