I think I won the penis lottery.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
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He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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