I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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