before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
