When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
