do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
