Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
