Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet

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  (610): There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet http://tfl.nu/0mzt
  Replies (24) Good night (1733) Bad night (2091)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

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  (202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology. http://tfl.nu/sp8t
  Replies (32) Good night (9973) Bad night (1100)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.

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  (970): I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now. http://tfl.nu/y6ao
  Replies (10) Good night (2739) Bad night (978)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.

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  (256): You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers. http://tfl.nu/otyu
  Replies (10) Good night (7032) Bad night (1214)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.

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  (910): I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling. http://tfl.nu/sj19
  Replies (6) Good night (2704) Bad night (741)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves

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  (402): You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves http://tfl.nu/lewx
  Replies (7) Good night (843) Bad night (2253)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.

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  (816): You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do. http://tfl.nu/w9t3
  Replies (5) Good night (2023) Bad night (633)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments

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  (314): I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments http://tfl.nu/h9el
  Replies (7) Good night (505) Bad night (1227)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.

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  (515): I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that. http://tfl.nu/ig7j
  Replies (7) Good night (1403) Bad night (677)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Understatement of the year.

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  (440): Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions. (330): Understatement of the year. http://tfl.nu/jbsv
  Replies (2) Good night (957) Bad night (532)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent

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  (330): If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent http://tfl.nu/pu74
  Replies (6) Good night (463) Bad night (1192)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...

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  (847): That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't... http://tfl.nu/cux6
  Replies (4) Good night (507) Bad night (1142)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.

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  (720): I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer. http://tfl.nu/osbe
  Replies (8) Good night (1340) Bad night (476)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid

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  (604): Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid http://tfl.nu/spz2
  Replies (1) Good night (513) Bad night (263)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.

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  (253): I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties. http://tfl.nu/4gzc
  Replies (0) Good night (392) Bad night (212)

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