if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS