he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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