Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
