Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday