No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.