I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life