I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.