Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...

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  (412): Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands... http://tfl.nu/7chd
  Replies (10) Good night (1371) Bad night (591)
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  (310): View more from California

  so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?

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  (310): so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump? http://tfl.nu/ubjm
  Replies (33) Good night (931) Bad night (4436)
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  (516): View more from New York

  this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore

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  (516): this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore http://tfl.nu/7h30
  Replies (27) Good night (2335) Bad night (1065)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.

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  (315): I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before. http://tfl.nu/hqeq
  Replies (23) Good night (4698) Bad night (706)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"

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  (513): there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends" http://tfl.nu/u7q7
  Replies (27) Good night (6317) Bad night (1029)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.

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  (267): I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe. http://tfl.nu/k42a
  Replies (5) Good night (2743) Bad night (1449)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.

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  (403): Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear. http://tfl.nu/rnay
  Replies (1) Good night (2353) Bad night (807)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.

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  (802): I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny. http://tfl.nu/ndpa
  Replies (5) Good night (560) Bad night (849)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.

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  (617): Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present. http://tfl.nu/s10t
  Replies (4) Good night (1699) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  These kind of text worry me.

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  (937): With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong. (1-937): These kind of text worry me. http://tfl.nu/ehdu
  Replies (2) Good night (511) Bad night (393)
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  (518): View more from New York

  just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.

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  (518): just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back. http://tfl.nu/zfok
  Replies (6) Good night (430) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.

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  (518): Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for. http://tfl.nu/odgq
  Replies (2) Good night (735) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons

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  (858): Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons http://tfl.nu/vmtj
  Replies (1) Good night (549) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.

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  (503): So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in. http://tfl.nu/z9yu
  Replies (0) Good night (496) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.

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  (989): He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls. http://tfl.nu/co6n
  Replies (0) Good night (628) Bad night (177)

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