five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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