porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
