I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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