I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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