1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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