I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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