I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
