is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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