chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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