my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
