i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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