I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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