it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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