i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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