So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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