i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
