is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize