how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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