just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
