two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
