Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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