I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
