Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
