You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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