the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
