I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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