my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He passed out mid-signature
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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