You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
