Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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