hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
