I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
