that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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