we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
