The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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