i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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