I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
