i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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