dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
