Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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