Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
