mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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