Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
