He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
