i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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