I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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