Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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