like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
