He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize