she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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