im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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