about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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