; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
